Turkey or ham?
What’s ham? Turkey, duh.
What vegetable(s) should be served?
Green bean casserole is the classic answer, I guess. But I’m so over that stuff. I’m thinking asparagus with almond and bread crumb topping (my brother Daniel’s recipe, it’s sooooo good). And sweet potatoes.
Potatoes aren’t a vegetable.
Really? Technically speaking…
Are you sure you want to get technical?
Ok, whatever. Potatoes don’t have to be a vegetable. This time.
So what kind of potatoes?
Seriously?? Oh, fine, I’ll cooperate … sweet potatoes. Candied not whipped or souffle’d, thank you very much. AND regular white potatoes, mashed.
Is it stuffing or dressing?
Stuffing. What do you do with it? You stuff it. So, it’s stuffing.
But what ABOUT it?
Just … it needs to be there. But don’t ask me to make it. I’m bad at that.
Do you need to serve rolls with all the carb overload going on already?
Not really, unless they’re my mom’s homemade rolls. Which are amazing.
Do you dig cranberry sauce?
Yes. Yes, I do “dig” cranberry sauce. Come on, who talks like that? I like to make it myself though, out of whole cranberries. It’s so easy, you just basically boil them until they pop. And it tastes so much better than the canned, and even jellied stuff, perish the thought. I do not want my cranberry sauce SLICED, that is ridiculous.
Well, dessert, obviously.
You’re seriously going to have room for dessert after eating all of that? That’s just gross.
Of course! I may need a little …. break in between, but I’ll do it. Just watch me.
But doesn’t pigging out like that for an entire day fill you with an overwhelming sense of revulsion for yourself and everyone around you? As well as American culture as a whole?
You know … it really doesn’t. Can we talk about desserts now?
If you want.
So ask me a question already!! You’re the quiz, aren’t you?!
Oh yeah, true. OK, what kind of desserts?
Pie. Two kinds, apple and pumpkin.
Ice cream or whipped cream with the pie?
AAAUUUGH, don’t make me choooose!!!!!
Fine, but you don’t have to get all worked up about it. Like you even care. All you care about is feeding your face.
You know what? I don’t have to take this from you anymore. You’re just a quiz. A really stupid quiz. So go away, OK? I’m done with this.